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I have to admit, I love baby showers. 

I love celebrating for a friend who is expecting, I love shopping from a registry, I love gathering with friends and strangers and sharing experiences about child rearing, I find I learn a lot.  I love the cute decorations, the yummy food and I love hearing the mom-to-be talk about her hopes and dreams for her family.  All of the baby showers that I have attended in my life have been for healthy, typically developing pregnancies, until recently.

A dear friend delivered her son 2 months early through an emergency C-section due to a heart condition detected in the baby.  I had received the shower invitation a couple of weeks prior to that and was then notified that the shower was still on.  Another email followed that stated the purpose of the shower was to celebrate the birth of this baby, honor my friend for becoming a mother and for her to feel loved and supported…so please focus on those things and leave the medical talk for another time.

As I read over her registry, I thought to myself, “she won’t need this stuff for a long, long time” and I searched for what I thought would be an appropriate gift.  The answer did not come easily.  For days, I tried to think about what a mother of a child in the NICU would find helpful and/or what could this precious baby use now?  It was a few days before the shower and I still did not have a gift.  Then it hit me…the most appropriate gift was the ones that the mom had asked for, what she registered for, what she has dreamed about having for her son for months.   That and preemie clothes.  Who was I to think that I knew better? 

I learned a lot at this shower.  My friend had the opportunity that every pregnant woman deserves.  To be honored by friends and family for a life changing event.  The fact that her baby was in the NICU made her no less a mother, in fact it made her more of a mother.  She had learned more in those first couple of weeks and had advocated harder for her child than most moms I know. 

One universal truth was shared at this shower.  Being a mom is all about being in the moment.  In that moment, at that shower, my friend was so excited to receive the items she registered for and spoke about how she planned on using the item once the baby was home.  In some cases, she had already figured out how to modify the item to fit her sons’ needs at the present time.

I realized at this shower that it doesn’t matter what kind of mom you think you’re going to be.  It matters how you adapt to what kind of baby you have.   That is the true mark of a wonderful mom. 

  Janel Perez, M.S.-L.P.C.